Oh! The deception! The lies!

What a fool I have been. To walk into an open trap, without taking a second look. To take the step into the deep water, before first probing in it.

What stupidity!

I deserve what I get now. My heart shattered in pieces. Looking around to find it, to fix it, like a jigsaw puzzle. But that last piece - you stole it. Will you at least return it to me?

I want it back. I need it back. You've played around with me more than enough. I don't despise you, but your actions. Return me that last piece.

~~~~~~~~~~

If you people don't already know, this is an excerpt from my thoughts. My current thoughts on a particular somebody.

She... She... She... Her actions are unbelievable. They do not match with her first impression. I regret not heeding the advice. I regret not questioning her intention. I regret..

But what can regret do? What's done is done. Crying over spilled milk will only need a bigger towel to clean up the mess. There's no point.

Then what should I do? I don't know. I give up. You win. You had the last laugh. You had everything you want to. But will you at least be passionate enough, be humane enough, to not keep on torturing me this way?

Do I deserve it? Is it retribution in your own way? Am I so hated that I get such treatment?

Too many questions... No answers... No replies... Nothing... Just silence...

I hate silence. At least, speak to me. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you dislike me. Tell me I'm not needed. Tell me whatever you want me to, but not silence. I hate the bitter truth, but silence hurts much more.

This torture... I can stand no more. As I've said, you won. Now, you got the power to continue torturing me, or to withdraw it completely. Please... I beg you... I no longer want anything from you anymore...

I just want to be left alone. At least away from this torture. It hurts too much.

Please...

~~~~~~~~

Name: Hazel Lai Wan Yi

So far, as I know her, she quite quiet one. In fact, very very quiet arh..

She not really good in her results, so I hope that she put in more effort lor.. Actually, I don't really know her much.

Maybe closer friends of hers like JT can speak more.

Oh yar.. She is very protective of her shoes and her bag. Why? I do not know. But try stepping on her shoe, or hijacking her bag. She will suddenly become very angry one.. So beware..

There are some stuff that I want to address here, before I continue on the topic for the day.

1. My freaking computer!!!

It is so damn laggy. I hate it. But it's not even 2 years old. Argh.. Something must be done to it. It's ok when I play games and stuff. But it always lags when I go on the net. I realized something funny. When I can go on the net, my msn can't work, and vice versa. What the hell!?

And then Kang Sheng told me to do a scan. Guess what. Found some 1300+ folders which are supposedly unwanted stuff. Damn.. That's quite a lot right.. And it's freaking long. Practically took the whole night to search through my com, and then delete them. Damn it..

2. Grandma's House

For some reason, I don't really want to go there whenever I have to. Both sides lar, whether it is paternal or maternal, don't really look forward to going to those houses. I wonder why..

Maybe it's 'cause the technology there is so darn low. Lolx.. No internet access. No games. They have the most basic things there. And the closest thing to a sign of technology is the phone and the TV. Darn.. My maternal grandma's house has a computer, but that's for my uncle to do his work, so I can't use it.

I know this should not be it. I should be going there to look forward to the people there, not the technology they can offer. But it seems that I cannot live a day without computer, which is the case for the past 3 or 4 years or so.

And I think you people would have guessed it by now, I'm writing this portion, 'cause I'm visiting them(maternal) today. And worse still, stay overnight there. Will I survive?

Yeah.. If I passed the level camp, this should be nothing, or should it?

~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, apart from those two stuff, here's what I plan to talk about today.

I went to the Creative warehouse with my family today. Well... I wanted to purchase the mp3 player, and my parents agreed. They say it's something in return for the good results, as well as my upcoming birthday.

And we spent quite a long time there. Basically just to decide which was cheaper and worthwhile. Maybe if Kang Sheng was there, it would have been reduced to zero time? But considering my parents are not that tech savvy, I guess the time spent was relatively ok.

So... Soon enough, I got what I wanted. And so did my parents. They bought a radio, and got an mp3 for free. (One of the offers there) But here's the catch, it's only for UOBPlus members, or something like that. Well, my father is just a UOB member. So cool huh? We still get the offer, after much persuasion. Will typing something like this here get my father or the cashier sued or something? I hope not...

And then we proceeded home...

~~~~~~~~~~

This led me on to think. Is materialistic rewards a good way to reward children for let's say, results? I shall make my stand a neutral one, not picking 'it is' just 'cause my father bought me what I wanted.

In fact, I'd rather lean towards not agreeing. This may seem little, but as it stacks, and has the 'rolling snowball' effect, it's going to get bigger and bigger. The child may then be working for good results because of the reward, and not 'cause there is the hunger for knowledge and success. When he enters the working life, he is in deep trouble. He should work not only for his salary, but as well as for his company.

Also, there is many people now discouraging the usage of materialism as reward. Why? 'Cause there is more to life then materialistic items. Duh.. What's the opposite of materialism? It's spiritualism.

That is the belief of moral values and the likes. I think this is better. After all, after we pass on from this world, who knows where we will be going? It may be the supposed heaven or hell, or we must just dissipate into nothingness. Both are a possibly, and there is no way that we wil find out as long as we are alive.

But how can spiritualism serve as a reward? Hmm... I don't know.. Hahaz..

~~~~~~~~~~

So I shall end off here for now...

Name: Jasmine Tan

Hmm.. People have not been calling her nice names, because of the way she acts. I find her relatively ok lar.. Except at times, yeah.. She does deserved to be called that way.

She is supposedly known for slacking, and another term for slacking is 'Jasmine Tanning'. People who slack are known as 'Jasmine Tanners'. So cool right? Got something named after your own name. Hahaz..

Other than that.. Results - not very sure lar.. But I think she quite ok.

And sometimes, she's a bit too much lar.. But I guess it's ok..

Well well well... ... It's the last day of the school term 2004. Sec 1s and 2s will be enjoying themselves, going on holidays, hanging out. The Sec 4s will feel the full stress of the O levels, but thereafter, the days are just for them to pass. While for us Sec 3s, we are just beginning to feel the force of the O levels, with the compressed timetable for the next two weeks, and remedials, and revision. The holiday is not even a holiday, but what can be helped? Nothing much...

Anyways.. Today was a day of history. The CSS 40th Anniversary Year Book was launched. Yeah, quite fascinating and all. $12, surely it has to be right? Hahaz.. A blue book, with many many pictures and words in it. Interesting...

But then..

I don't feel good. I just don't. Nope, bad events did not happen. In fact, by the way things are going, I should be looking forward to the near future. With my birthday and Hari Raya approaching, there is just too much to not want to look forward to the future. But still, this feeling of pain lingers, and I can't find a way to get rid of it.

Why? Why do I have to feel this pain? To the extent that I show my 'sian'-ness and 'staring into blank space'-ness. Haiz.. I don't want to let others feel worried for me. Why should they? It's my life and problem, and nothing related to them at all. I don't have a reason to drag them in, and let them in on the problem, and ask them to solve it for me.

They have their own life to lead, their own problems to settle, and I don't feel good being a burden to others. So I have decided, these problems are mine, and mine for me to solve.

But I know these problems is not easy to solve, let alone get over. I know it can't be done alone. I know I need help, but I refuse. So what should I do? I have decided. I will persevere. I will not become the victim of my own thoughts. I will not be trapped in my own desires.

But where I cannot hold on further, I shall break down. Maybe then, and only then will I ask for help.

~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, I'll switch from this topic to something lighter. Mr Quek talked to us today and yesterday. Somehow, I feel that he has changed. A great deal in fact. Sometimes, I think that he is unlike his usual self, or at least like the Mr Quek that I knew in sec 1 and sec 2.

He is a bit more slack. He does not punish us on small matters which he would have if it were the beginning of this year. I guess he has seen that he should be too harsh on us.

Well... That's nothing short of a good thing. I prefer the way he is now. And even so, I think that I have still stuck by the values he taught, and that self-discipline is still something that is inside me.

~~~~~~~~~~

But then..

While he was talking, I wasn't really listening to him. Nope.. I was thinking of other things, just thinking... ...

Ok, I think I should stop here. Nah.. Not THINK, I shall stop here..

Name: Hanisah

She's a friendly person, and someone that I can talk to easily. She's also quite interesting in a sense that if you get to know her more, she is not what she really seems it is. But I'm not saying it's bad.

Apart from that, she's quite thoughtful of others, and has quite a large circle of friends. She's a real pro in maths, especially A Maths.

Haiz.. These few days, a bit no mood to do anything. Still trying to shift back to study mode after the post-exam mode. A bit difficult, 'cause not used to it, but no choice, still must try.

I think this is going to be a short entry. Yes, it is going to be a short entry. Sorry hor.. Yesterday never blog, then today blog so little. I no mood, later my readers also no mood. Haiz..

Anyways, had a request to write a poem for Ms Tay, since she leaving our school already. Guess I will take up the request. No harm right? Hmm.. Got to rack my rusty brain now..

And for the little part that I promised..

Name: Hamidah

A good friend to talk to when needed, but she seldom is free to do so. She is often paranoid, worrying too much for her friends. She is very studious, though not at right times (something that must seriously change).

A very daring person as well as one who cares for the welfare of the class. Apart from that, she is often seen snoozing in class (also another something that must seriously change).

Other than that, she's quite ok, and a good person to hang out with.

Go read the Streats commentary, page 30, 'A window to my life' by Janice Wong. She talks about the brief history of blogging as well as the few things she feel about blogging. She even gave her own blog, www.janice-wong.com. I haven't visited it myself, but maybe you people should. I wonder what's it about as well...

But anyways, the most outrageous thing that I saw from that entry was this - 'Bloggers are essentially lonely people.' Is it a proper assumption? Does it apply to bloggers, or to even the majority of them at all? I mean, bloggers have blogs to note down daily happenings and thoughts, for whatever reason, we would not know.

Some people might not even be lonely at all. They might have the widest circles of friends, and still blog. So I don't think bloggers really are lonely people after all.

Talking about lonely people, am I lonely? Is it for me to judge whether my circle of friends are bigger than others? Say it isn't for me to judge, then who should? Who has the right to?

Then again, is having a large circle of friends good? Maybe help is always there whenever needed. Someone to lean against when there's a problem. Somebody to stand by with through thick and thin. The pros are listed.

But here's the cons. Backstabs? Blacksheeps? Are they worth it? But then, how often do they happen? I guess it's not that bad to have a large circle of friends. But as they say, there is a limit to everything. Too much of a good thing would make it a bad thing. After all, since when was popularity ever a crime?

What do you people think then?

And the little testimonial part..

Name: Goh Pei Yan

"You really damn bastard one leh you". Hahaz..

She's an entertaining gal, maybe 'cause she lets off steam too fast, way too fast. But she's cool. Good to borrow things from as well. Hahaz..

She quite pro in CCA too. From what I heard, I think she team captain of netball or something like that lar.. Anyways, she's one hell of a person if you sit in front of her.

For some reason, starting to put more and more of stuff about myself here in this blog. Damn, those should be for my diary. Arh heck.. Today won't be any different. I suddenly thought of places which I am fond of in my memories, mainly 'cause of things that I did there, and the people that I were with.

And they can only be fond in my memories 'cause they are good memories; those that are to be treasured for years to come. Bad ones, I think I forget as easily as I try to remember them.

Anyways, here are some of the places..

- IMM (The only place where I had something close to what I wanted badly at that time)

- MRT Train (Yeah.. Whenever I take it, this funny yet touching incident will come to my mind..)

- Somewhere near my primary school (Gosh.. That was kind of fun..)

- Jurong East Library (No... Not the Balaji there.. Something else instead..)

Haiz.. Sorry can't tell you all exactly what happened there. That's for me to keep in my mind. Maybe some of you will know, 'cause I have been there with some of you before.

But these kind of things are too good to be true. As far as I know, they may never ever happen again. I know they won't, though I so badly want them to happen again. But the past is the past, and all good things eventually have to come to an end.

Speaking of good things coming to an end, Arsenal finally lost. YES! They lost to Man Utd. Yes! They should be happy and honoured that their run ended at Old Trafford, rather than losing to some team like Southampton or Crystal Palace.

Well, controversational matches like this, I watched it this morning. 2-0 was the scoreline. A beautiful penalty shot by Ruud, and that amazing touch by wonderboy Rooney said it all. Arsenal are not that invincible after all...

Oh yar.. There's the little section that I promised..

Name: Annie Tay

This gal has that cute face that I cannot resist. Even when she does something wrong, that innocence makes it hard for me to feel angry. She likes doodling as well, often drawing on my stuff. Bleh..

Her results are so damn pro, even though she not the mugger kind. She and her Red Cross gang, seems very united, but I don't know about details lar..

Can't see any major bad points in her that has surfaced for the past few months. :D

Also a very very helpful person. If cannot approach Tuck Wen for help, she the second person can approach, 'cause sit closest to me mah..

Hmm.. I suddenly thought up of something great to kill some time, as well as express some feelings, thoughts, and emotions. I've decided to write a so called testimonial for everybody in my class for the next few days. I think it's kind of a good idea.

But before any of it, I would like to warn readers that this may be a one-sided, thus biased, opinion of someone by me. So, do not absolutely take in everything that I say about the person, unless you too agree with me.

I'll try to bring up all the positives of the person, to encourage him/her, as well as provide contructive critique. In all, I'll just try to be truthful. :D

So bear with me if you cannot take what I said.

So here goes, for today...

Name: Jasmine Ang Lay Ting

She's quite a caring person, and spares a thought for others. She is also a very helpful person, at times taking the initiative to provide the help.

Your help is greatly appreciated, especially by me. :D

Hmm, I think you can do better in your academia. Can always approach others for help, don't have to be shy in that sense. You're hardworking, but maybe if you try harder, you'll go further. :D

I just realized how difficult it is if you want to change your blogskin. And I thought bathing in 15 minutes was worse. Bleh.. Ok, it's not really difficult, it's just very mafan. I mean.. Not only is the transition from one page to another at blogskin.com slow, but you must go to other page to just view the preview. And what's else, must download this and that, replace the html code. Damn.. It really is difficult.

So... I got to thank Yan Lin for helping me out here and there. And I guess the creator of the blogskin I'm using deserves some thanks as well eh.. It's very difficult to find a good skin. Some are nice and meaningful, but for some reason, they are all feminine (not meant for guys), and I'm referring to stereotypical guys kind.

It took me a whole day to do this. So maybe I won't be doing anything of this sort anytime soon. Bleh... ...

(This entry was done before the skin was changed)

I promised to talk about the camp right... ... But I don't feel like it. Don't know why..

Instead, I came up with this poem. Take a look.

Cold Treatment

This silence,
too deafening.
This silence,
too discomforting.

I can't take it,
NO! not any longer.
I can't help it,
need you more than ever...

Please, oh please,
it hurts; it stabs deep into my heart.
The sheer pain; slow yet excruciating,
you're tearing me apart.

I feel so numb, can't feel anything else.
Need your warmth, your comfort,
your presence, your joy,
your laughter, your voice.
-I just need you.

So how? Nice? Ok.. Not supposed to be quite a positive poem.. Haiz..

As usual..

Don't copy my work. Thankx.

Some minor news before I continue on the 'Inspiring Speech' by Mr Quek.

1. Damn.. I got even worse for English. A B4 overall. Damn.. That sucked.. So now, I got an L1R5 of 12 points, and a L1R4 of 10 points. Bah.. Now that sucks manz..

2. Tomorrow's the Sec 3 Level Camp.. Arrr.. Is it doom's day? Will I come back or will this be the last time any of you see me? Errm.. I'll try to give a full report of it, IF I ever do come back. :D

3. I failed Lit. No surprise there. But that makes the report card look a little brighter with that bright mark. Damn.. Heck lar.. Shall work hard for it the next year..

4. Hmm.. I just watched 'Just Lose It' from Eminem's album, 'Encore'. Go watch it.. Damn funny.. But takes half an hour to download though. It's worth it.

5. And the period for making kueh has started. Darn.. Got to help, so can't spend so much time online. Arr...

Ok.. That's about all the minor announcements already. Today, we had an 'Inspiring Speech' of about 10-15 minutes by Mr Quek.

Here's a gist of it...

-I am reasonable. I give you people many chances, before punishing you people. When you people make mistakes, I teach one time, two time, but after that, must punish. Agree that I'm reasonable?

- I want you all to learn more about other religion's festivals. Part of CME programme.

- Start preparing for 'O' Levels today. It's like, you can start running the race today, why start next year August? Then next year, you won't be that stress at all. You can go into the examination hall, and just take all the As.

- For example, I partner Hafizah. We everyday after school study. We got 4 hours, we study 3 hours, then 1 hour can go Westmall, or watch movie. Why not? But if Tuck Wen very lazy, always procastinate, then why should I partner Tuck Wen? No point right?

- Before the exams, I saw a few groups staying back to study. I think that by then, it's abit too late already. But I'm not saying it's wrong arh. I'm saying that, why not start today? Why start just before the exams?

- The education system is never stressful. Don't say it is. You got 2 solid months to do close to nothing. Start now.

- I think I've said this, but I want to say it again. The rest of the school likes to follow what I call the 'fun culture'. It's a choice. I can't stop you all from being like the rest of the school already. But as I've said, I've been in the school long enough to recognize the downward trend already. If you all don't buck up, it will get worse and worse. We are now 3 points off our expected MSG.

- Our principal, Ms Dorothy Tay is retiring. (Not really by Mr Quek, but further explanation would make it more complicated, so let's just keep it this way)

Hmm.. Ok fine.. He might be reasonable. He's reasonable only when he doesn't punish us. Agree with me right? How can he be reasonable when he punish us? Lolx.. Arh heck..

And I shall take his advice on starting to prepare today. Got lots to catch up. Damn.. But is starting today already too late? Maybe not, 'cause many others still haven't yet. Except of course, the mad ones, whom I think are preparing since Sec 1 already..

And Ms Tay is leaving. Aww.. I shall not say further, later I kenna like that Fairfield Methodist Sec Sch (correct school right?) like that..

And I'm sick.. Bleh.. Will I be well enough to cope with tomorrow the boot camp? Damn.. Thomas they all describe like it's boot camp like that.. Hope they will go easy on Muslims 'cause we fasting ;P

Ok.. I got back everything else for EOY, except Literature. Fuck Lit. I don't want to bother about it, nor even know its marks. What for? I doubt can even get a B for Combine Humans lor, so forget it.

For those interested in my results, kind of sick of keep on telling people already. So you all want to know, can just come and read here lar.

English - Roughly around B3 lar. Screwed up Compo. Got a Band A for Functional Writing. Passed Compre relatively well, but scrap through the Summary with a just pass.

Chinese - I exceeded all expectations and got an A2. Amazingly, I got quite well for Oral, which pulled up my grades. I failed Functional Writing damn bad, but I guess my Compo on Pornography wasn't that bad after all. Paper 2 was quite ok.

E Maths - I think I'm confident enough to say that A1 is a must, and well, I got it. 2nd in class. Wootz. (Not boasting or anything)

A Maths - Got an A1. But Ms Chua say she expected more from me. I got too much careless mistakes!!! Damn..

Physics - A1. Bleh.. I think I will get A1. 'Cause Mr Chng never mark the correct question. Damn.. I deserve the A1. Hahaz..

Chemistry - A measly B3. Deserved that grade lar. I didn't bother memorising so much stuff. Must try to improve more..

Geography - B3. Bah.. It totally sucked. But well, my Geography has been like that all the while. What can I say? Another of the subjects that need improvement..

Ok.. That's about it.. L1R5 of 11, L1R4 of 9. Not that bad what eh, but of course, must improve more lar.. Kaoz.. Tell my parents already. They say 11 not enough get into good JC and blah blah blah. Then tel them maybe can try poly, they say no point go into poly, 'cause chances of getting uni is very low.

Haiz.. Now already must make decision meh? Bleh.. Heck lar. Enjoy a bit more first, then start on Chinese.. And Geog.. And Chem.. Ok fine, and everything else.. Hahaz..

Eoy Results; Story

Today, got 2 sections to my blog. A bit free lar today. So write a bit more won't hurt I suppose. Besides, what else can I possibly do?

So.. The EOY results first..

~~~~~~~~~~

EOY Results

The tears have flowed, the smiles have shone, or have they? I met with people who did really well, along with those who didn't get up to their expections. But alas, what can be done? It is over. The exam has been taken. Now, the results have been released.

Anyways, I did quite well. Not to boast or anything, but I got what I wanted. And surprisingly, an A2 for Chinese. That's like.. Ok.. It cannot be compared with another analogy. But.. It's difficult, yet not impossible, I mean for somebody like me lar..

How about you people out there? I think there will be more people who got better results than poor one. Right?

And tomorrow. It's English. Getting it back. Suddenly the future doesn't look too bleak. There's failures. Could I be one of them? My guess is as good as anybody else's. Well, I just hope it ain't me, but then, that means it's someone else. So how? Me or them? I don't want to lose any, neither do I want to lose my future.

I guess it still ain't up to me to decide eh.. In fact, it's been decided already.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm.. I've decided to tell a story. As promised. This is one of my experiences. I got to let it out. Sometimes it bugs me, though most times it doesn't. I just want to open that closet full of skeletons eh.. It needs some sunlight at times.

~~~~~~~~~~

Story

So there I was standing. My right leg over the barricade already. I was in a confused state. Was I ready to this? I didn't know, but it didn't seem to care. At least not at all to me.

Just almost over the bar already, when I was pulled with such a strong force, I went back into the corridor. My attempt failed, but I felt no sense of regret. Rather, it was as if I had been enlightened, but I took little notice of it.

The next day..

Out of the blue, a tall, lanky figure walked into the class. Ms Greta Tang, the school councillor. She had a short chat with Mrs Margaret Loh, then came up to me. She asked me to follow her, and I did so.

In there, it was torture. The way she talked was unconvincing, even though she tried so hard to get me to talk. I eventually did, just to get it her way. She told stories, some making a little sense, others were merely nonsense. She even offered me something to eat, which of course I didn't, as it was during the fasting month.

Then, the dilemma. She wanted me to tell my parents what I did.

That day, I went home. And mustering up all the courage I got, I finally managed to tell my mother. Surprisingly, her reaction differed from what I had expected, but I don't want to comment so much on that.

The day after that..

The councilling session with Greta wasn't as bad this time, maybe 'cause I had told her all she needed to know. I spent most times in silence, ignoring her. However, it was to no avail, as I gave in to her irritance and eventually told her what else she required to know.

And then the day after that..

This day greatly shocked me. I did not expect my parents to come to school, neither did I expect them to be in the same room as me and Greta. Damn.. I guess I just can't trust her after all.

What she knew, my parents knew. Then what point is it in confiding in her? No point. My hatred for her grew. She deserved it anyway, a literal backstabber I would say. She even knows how to backstab, exact point where it hurts most. Up till today, I still hate her.

That was not the last I saw of her backstabbing actions. Thereafter, Margaret Loh had a private chat with me. Damn. It was worse. And what Greta knew, Margaret knew as well. Damn. I shouldn't have told her too much after all. And then, the usual showing off of her Sec 2 son (I was sec 2 at that time) and how she understands students my age. Bullshit.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ok.. That's about all that I want readers to know. Basically 'cause of questions that were asked previously. Might as well make it into an entry, then you all can read. Can always seek clarification with me.

And about Greta and Margaret. It's just how I see them. I still don't really like them. No offence meant.

Ok.. Finally.. Have sort of gotten over the Post-Exam mood, but it's still there nonetheless. Need to get settled down, and feel the stress for the O levels, even though it's still months away.

Going to be prepared for it. But of course, cannot forget about play.
Study hard, play harder :P

So... I've decided to come up with a list of the stuff that I want to achieve by the end of the holidays. I hope they will happen.. No no, they WILL happen regardless.

So here we go..

STUFF I WANT TO ACHIEVE

1. Complete Chinese Revision from Sec 1-4. (At least attain a standard close to that of Thomas)

2. Do more revision on subjects that I am weak in. (This will take effect after I receive my EOY results)

3. Try to locate new sources to aid myself in my progression of studying.

4. Be more knowledgeable than Thomas.

5. Get a ranking for WC3 solo and team (with David). (Ok, now onto the playing part.. Hehe..)

6. Maintain ranking for WC3 FFA.

7. Attain a high level of fitness.. (Say.. 12 chin-ups? I'm now at 9..)

8. Come up with a study schedule.

Ok.. I guess that's all about it that I want to achieve in. Maybe it's too much for 2 months.. But mind over matter, sure can be done one.. Maybe some are too impossible, like number 4, but then again.. Impossible is nothing.

5. and 6. is so damn possible, 'cause it's playing. Don't see any reason why I cant achieve that. Hahaz..

Maybe I'll get number 8 done by today. And number 7, first, I have to convince my body that I need to do some runs, as well as having the discipline to do it. I'm too lazy to wake up so early just to get into my running shoes.. Haiz..

Hmm.. I guess that's all about it. Oh yar, even with this aims in mind, don't worry, this blog will still be updated frequently. Look for it often. I think after this, I'm going on to narrate stories, or display some of my poems.. It's been a long time since I've last done it.

Pardon me if this entry is not any better than yesterday's. I don't really feel so good these few days. Maybe 'cause of the hunger pang due to the fasting, but I think there's something being the thorn in my flesh. I just can't find out what it is. It gets so irritating at times.

So today.. The fasting continues..

I realized something from fasting. Ok, before I continue, I shall give some background knowledge for non-Muslims, so that you all won't be lost at what I'm talking about.

~~~~~~~~~~

Background Knowledge

During the month of Ramadhan, fit Muslims have to fast from dusk till dawn. This means refraining from comsumption of food and water, as well as sexual intercourse. (Don't really bother about the last one, doesn't really matter) It is advisable that during the month of Ramadhan, Muslims perform more prayers, as well as other acts of kindness like taking part in donations. It is also encouraged that Muslims eat together before and after the fast as a form of family-bonding.

Hey, this is just what I said. I never copy from any Muslim website or anything. Can tell me if there are any grave errors? So that I can make necessary amendments quickly, so as not to mislead non-Muslims.

~~~~~~~~~~

So back onto the thing that I realized from fasting..

I realized that the family-bonding part actually works. 'Cause we break fast at the same time, so everybody will be at the table together. And in one way or another, we communicate, and stuff like that, thus the family-bonding part.

I don't think this happens that frequently on normal days, when everybody is busy with their own work, and it's very difficult to sit down and have a meal together. (At least this is what it is for my family lar)

I kind of appreciate this natural act, without any form of coersion. It's so cool, as if everybody knows they are part of the family, and stuff like that. If only this could stretch to normal days as well. But given the tight schedules we experience daily, it is highly unlikely.

Another thing of fasting is that..

The food actually tastes nicer. Hmm.. 2 reasons that I came up with. 1. My mother can't taste the food, so she might add more seasonings, or sugar, in case the flavoring does not come out. So she takes precautions.

Or 2. You appreciate the food better. After all, the hungry man will eat anything right? I think it applies here as well. Food that I don't usually like to eat, also will eat, and will be nice, especially during the fasting month. Or is it 'cause if don't eat, then got nothing else to eat? Hahaz...

Are the non-Muslims feeling a little left out already? Aww.. Only, let's talk about the other part of Ramadhan then.. Urm.. Donation.

Surely everybody can relate to this right? Ok.. Let's continue..

Today, we went for some flag day thing. And it was interesting to watch people from all walks of life passing through the aisle which we were standing, hopefully able to gain the sympathy of passer-bys, and get their donation.

A few were touched, and they actually donated out of their own will. Hmm, I shall not degrade anybody Singaporean by calling them ugly Singaporeans. It is undeserving. A few Singaporeans with bad habits doesn't mean the whole group has it.

But then, there were much more who didn't donate. Maybe they already have, maybe they are broke. Well, I guess they have a good reason for it right? But then again, do we know? I hope they have a good reason.

It's not like the donation goes to George W. Bush or Osama bin Laden or something. It goes to poor orphans, which cannot enjoy the childhood of a normal child. Thus, I think we should play our part in helping them as much as possible..

Then again.. Talking about all this makes me feel guilty for what I have done.. The person who has the money should donate, and the person who has the tin should ask for the donation. I guess that was what I failed in doing, and I shouldn't have accepted the 2 bucks they offered as a kind gesture. I felt the coins in the tin didn't even amounted to that, or even half of it.

Ok.. It's late already.. And I have spoken my part.. I think it's long enough, and hopefully, it won't dissappoint you readers.

After all, what is the author without his readers support? :D

It's the first day of Ramadhan. Is that finally OR already? Hmm, I have a neutral stand on this. Fasting ain't that bad, it keeps me slim. But I'm slim enough already. In fact, I need to put on weight. Damn...

But this date just means Hari Raya is 1 month more. And that means, Ka-Ching $$$. Hahaz.. Ooh.. Money.. Hmm, I have a feeling it's going to be the topic for today. Ok, I've settled on it, it IS going to be the topic for today. :D

Maybe this can be another debatable topic? But too bad the one on LOVE is not over yet. Wait.. Has it even started? Anyways..

~~~~~~~~~~

MONEY

"Money makes the world go round". Woosh, it does. It makes or breaks a person's life. Wait a minute (Mdm Quek style), is it that valuable?

After all, it's just something that Man came up with to handle transactions, to make fair trade, or, just to be able to call themself reach when they reach a certain amount of money. Materialistic people we all are right? It's just human nature.

And so... We go about trying to look for money everywhere. Ways to earn profit from a business, conning other people, and at times, just eyeing the floor to pick up that lucky cent.

Ok, that's just a brief introduction of the topic. Here's my stand.

I think money is important, but does not take presidence over our values. We should still stand by our values, and give up monetary opportunities, if it conflicts against our beliefs.

Why?

A simple example. Bribery. That is against my conscience. I will never accept bribery to make that person look better than he is, nor will I accept it to flame another person to look worser than he is. I believe that a person is as good as he is, and if he I see him as such, I should not be exaggerating whatever that he is.

A bit cheem, but heck...

Ok, maybe it's crap.. And I ain't got good stuff to argue with on my mind now. Damn.. This sucks.. A mental block all of a sudden..

~~~~~~~~~~

Today went to Beach Road and Queensway with Shahid and Syamil. It's amazing you know. How we seldom meet up, but when we do, it's something like symmetry. Read on if you a bit blur as to what I talking about.

I live at the edge of Bukit Batok, Hillview Avenue there. Shahid, lives at West Coast, the edge of Clementi. Yeah, you get it, Syamil lives at the edge of Boon Lay, close to NTU.

Please don't attempt to stalk any of us after finding out this information. :D

Then.. The best place to meet would be.. Jurong East Interchange. 'Cause it's one stop away from me and Shahid, and 3 for Syamil. Not that unfair lar. And it's an interchange. But you know what's the best thing? When we meet, I'll be on the centre platform, Shahid will be on the left platform, and Syamil on the right. Amazing eh?

Some kind of voodoo trick or something? Hahaz.. But it's cool symmetry to look at.

And what else is there? Hmm, we always take the different buses. Be it from school, or from any interchange. Weird eh? We seldom go home together. Hmm... ...

Ok.. Now it's scaring the shit out of me. Shall stop commenting on it further. It suddenly seem as if we were planned to be there and then at a particular place or something like that. It's freaking me. Shall stop... ...

It's the post exam period... Burn those textbooks, throw away those notes.. Bring down the school..

Ok, let's not get carried away. There's still the dreaded 'O' levels to look towards. 6 months more, and the Chinese Paper would be taken already. Damn.. I'm getting worried.

Should I? The other me would say... "Haiyar, 6 more months, still can play for 5 months lar. Then 1 month chiong lar. Still can pass one. Besides, it's just Chinese, no big deal."

Yeah.. I'm so tempted. But I can't. I must start revision as soon as possible. But how soon is possible? Hmm.. Maybe after the holidays end.. Then which one? Deepavali? Hari Raya? Christmas? December holidays? Chinese New Year?

Now, I'm stuck.. So when should I really start? I know those goody people out there people would say start today. But.. But.. Yesterday was the last paper of EOY. Cut some slack first can?

Arh heck.. I'm going to put that aside. But something still has to be done about it.

And then... Here's the normal things that I do after exams.
Play, Eat, Shit, Sleep, Play, Go out, SMS, Play. (Whoops, did I say Play more than once?) I think that's 'cause of the severe lack of it before exams. Damn.. I got lots to catch up.

If today is already that repetitive, then what of the rest of the 2 months? "Two solid months (shows the number two), you can do wonders with that. You everyday do one Physics question, come back from holidays, you are the expert in Physics."

The wise words of Mr Steven Quek... How much more wiser can he get? Yeah.. Maybe I should pull out my Chinese Shou Ce, one day learn one word.. Den when come back, I expert in Chinese..

But guess what, 2 months is about 60 days. And there are 1000 over Chinese words. Now how do I go about just doing one word a day? Maybe I won't even finish it after I leave CSS. But still, it's worth a try.

~~~~~~~~~~

Let's switch channel. All the talk about LOVE.. Is it worth it? Does it last? What's it that makes people so interested? Then we hear it all about love triangles, and one-sided relationships, and yeah, there we have it, a summary of love.

Bleh.. I'm no love doctor or something. I don't know nothing about love; or maybe I do. But I'm here to speak my part.

Love is just an emotion. You feel it, you can't touch it (though some claim they can), and sometimes, you are not yourself because of it. That's love.

You do crazy things. You perform crazy acts. Basically, you just become crazy. You do not think straight, you do not do things right, and sometimes, you compromise your values for it.

Yeah, I know. This doesn't happen to everyone. Maybe 'cause it happened to me once or twice, I seem to think it's like that for the whole world. I guess it ain't.

Then... ... The supposed sacrifice for your loved one. Bah.. It's all.. Nonsense. Sacrifice. Like as if that person is so going to love you after that. IF that person declares hatred, or on a lesser extent; cold treatment, then there's nothing much you can do to change that, not even sacrifice.

You watch movies and shows and taking a bullet for that person means that person loving you. Well, that ain't true. You know why? 'Cause it's all just a show. A movie. A gimmick to real life; nothing close to the real thing at all.

So what point is there in sacrifice? "Sacrifice/ It's two hearts living in two separated worlds". The words of Elton John, actually, in his song "Sacrifice". But then again, he's gay. Ok, let's not probe further into that.

Once again, just want to highlight it's my point of view. Hate it or love it, it's just what I think.

So yeah.. Now what.. Oh yar.. Well, you know that if you have to visit a councillor, especially the school one, for one reason or another (I'll talk about this some other time), then that Greta Tang is sure to ask about... "What is your idea of love?"

Guess what I told her.. I said.. (In exact words) "Mutual trust between two people so much so that you do not mind your girl going out with another guy 'cause you know that at the end of the day, she still likes you more."

You think that's true? I don't know about that. The girl could be playing you. That's what keeps me in doubt. She could be using you as a spare tire. She could just be wanting your money more than you. Well, whatever it is, I don't think it's very nice for the girl to do that.

Hey.. It applies for guys as well..

Maybe that's the reason why being friends are better. You can go out with whoever you want, anywhere, no matter how late, and nobody might scold, except of course your parents. Being friends means that person has no power over what you do, yet of course, that person can still have feelings for you. Great right? I think it's a win-win situation.

Wow.. On such a simple topic, much more can be said. I'm only touching the surface...

~~~~~~~~

Ok.. That's enough.. This is killing me.. Nooooo... ...

13th October 2004

On this very day, it was the last paper for Commonwealth students. The very last. Nobody discussed much about the paper, of course. It was over already, what point is there in doing so?

~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah.. It's over.. Finally.. After much anticipation, midnight oils, and panda eyes. A few days before this, the mugger alert was on. Now, it has taken its cool, preparing to switch itself on after another year..

Well.. This experience was enriching, as every other is.

So far, I haven't talked about daily experiences.. Today, I went through enough to compile a blog entry, hopefully as long as the previous one...

In the span of about 5 days, during the exam week, I watched 2 movies with the same lot of people. Before continuing on the movies, I shall talk about these 3 people first.

~~~~~~~~~~

Number One: Kuan Hui
Woosh.. After the reconcilation, he has suddenly spent a lot of time with me.. Hmm.. I'm ok with that. This guy is cool, and often the blacksheep. Yeah.. Lots to tease him about. Try Florence, Ebola monkeys, AIDS, or just normal repetition of words. It's a miracle if he doesn't get pissed off. And the way he get pissed off is pure entertainment for the pisser (got such thing?).
Well.. Keep it up on the way u get pissed off. It's fun. :D

Number Two: Thomas

Hmm, haven't expected to spend so much time with this guy 'cause of our differences. Come on, he's like.. A mugger on normal days, and I'm kinda a slacker who is not slacking. So when it's exams time, the last thing you can match with Thomas is watching a movie. Well, he just did, even before the exams ended.

Maybe there is a different side to Thomas after all...

Number Three: Wilson
Willy (I call him that) has been doing quite a number of things with me for the past few weeks already, so I don't think it's much of a surprise to hang out with him. He's a cool guy, has loads of cash, and good to go out with. (I'm not saying I want him to come along for his money, but yeah, that too :D)

He's somewhat along the same channel as me, and good to talk to as well.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm.. Those are the 3 other people. Maybe a new group to go out with? Before that, I can't remember any other time where it was a guy gathering apart from LAN visits. Maybe now my parents won't think I flirt too much? Hahaz... ...

And the 2 movies we watched were White Chicks and Dodgeball. Here are the reviews...

~~~~~~~~~~

White Chicks

What do you get when two blacks dress up as white bitches? You get massive racism as well as insults. I found this show relatively interesting to watch. Mainly cause of the nice quotes that one can take out, as well as the stupidity of some actors.

It's preety obvious that the guys were putting on masks to look like females, but the rest of the people just can't seem to see that. Anyways, they did a great job by doing that, 'cause one had a bitch fit, while another, well, a black guy was seduced by 'her'.

Apart from the two mains, there were 'side shows' to keep the audience entertained in between uninteresting parts. Though some are dirty, there are easily understood, and deserve appreciation.

The plot is original, and not that predictable at all. It's a good stress buster for exam takers out there. (Possibly the reason why Thomas wanted to watch a movie)
I give it 4 out of 5.

Dodgeball

'If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball'. It really hurts when training involves running onto the streets, and getting knocked down by a car, not once, but
twice. I felt the pain.

This movie is entertaining in a sense that the contrast between the two groups are brought out so much that it doesn't take a psychologist to tell the difference.

Almost anybody can. It's subtle humour and slapsticks are applaudable, but it is unable to bring out the emotional responses of the audience when it wants to.

I felt that the director wanted to turn it into a love story of some sort, but possibly because of the quota of a movie, it was unsuccessful. It did not turn out into a disaster though, 'cause the actors were able to make up for it.

The storyline was too predictable, except for the one till the end, which proved as a good blow to the audience. Whatever happened was expected, but that bit at the end should make everyone satisfied upon leaving.

All in all, it is only deserving of a 2 1/2 out of 5.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, those 2 movies weren't that expensive, 'cause it was during the offpeak hours. But the lunch-cum-dinner I had today was quite outrageous. Maybe it is considered cheap to some, but when you expect to just pay $9 without add-ons and instead pay double that price, I think it's a bit too much for my liking.

Fine, it's a buffet, and a restaurant, so prices of this kind are a norm. Hmm.. Maybe..

But heck. I think the food was quite good. It was the second time I went there only, and I think I forgot what it tasted like the first time. Well, this time, it left a taste that I think would be difficult to erase.

However, there was much that lacked, which should be scrutinized, considering the $16-something per person. No eggs, prawns and satay, and the least goes on. How much less can it get? Maybe it's 'cause eggs prices have rised, but what about the other two mentioned? How unfair...

Well, we ate our fill. But I don't think we reached $60 in total, maybe at most $40, considering Thomas' supposedly voracious appetite. And he seemed to enjoy the Tom Yam Chicken, wonder why...

Then, we started reminiscing (YES! I think I spelt this properly). We talked about the 1/3 and 2/3 days. The first few days of secondary school life, and our first impressions of certain teachers. It was rather interesting as talks like this with guys are hard to come by.

Wilson was not left out, as he too joined in the small talk (xiao shuo :D). We talked about that soccer tournament, which his previous class beat us by 1-0. A sad memory indeed, but what's done is done.

Then, we argued about when Mr Kong came in. Sec 1 or sec 2? I strongly believed it was sec 1. Really.. Ex-2/3ians out there, can stand up for me? Kuan Hui and Thomas thinks it's sec 2.

After that, we left Jurong Point. The best thing about the four of us was that we leave almost near to each other. It's like, all of us live in Bukit Batok, so when we go home, it's not that lonely as previously, where most that I hang out with are living at Boon Lay.

Anyways, I spent most of the time reading the newspaper. Sorry Thomas, but I think Beckham is a total loser. Getting a convenient yellow card just like that. He ought to have a red card instead, maybe banned from soccer for life. People like him should be in the advertising industry, not soccer.

He and his sex controversies. When will it end? Possibly never. Affairs with ladies (note: not lady) even when he has a family to look after. He ought to feel shame. The money he has could feed a whole third-world country, yet he indulged in sin. What outrageousness...

~~~~~~~~~~

Back to my life..

I waited so damn long for 176. I don't know why. Maybe 'cause it was raining and the bus could not operate under rainy conditions? Seriously, waiting around half an hour for a bus is too poor as a service to the public.

Maybe the TIBS company can look into it, and find out the reason. In half an hour, much can be done you know...

And also, I think I have to agree with Lady Samurai (for those who don't know, Nicole) that there are weird happenings near Westmall. Guess what I saw? A couple kissing in public!!!

And it's not like a peck on the cheek or something lor. It's like.. Hmm, how to describe it? Well, I just don't think it should be done in public lor. They should really keep this sort of things to the bedroom.

You know what's worse? The gal is in school uniform. What bravery, or should I say stupidity? Maybe in her school, it's not a crime to kiss in uniform, should we all change school?

~~~~~~~~~~

Talking about school rules, I think that the school is finally going to allow handphones? Hmm, I hope so. They should, after giving batch after batch false hope about this desperate freedom that everybody wants.

Then again, everybody already has this freedom, just that it's secretly done. In a way, this rule helps those who bring handphones. 'Cause it is possible that with this rule, handphone thefts are cut down, as people think that hps are not brought to school. If this rule is lifted, a possible syndicate might create havoc in the school. Hmm.. A cloud with silver lining?

~~~~~~~~~~

Ok.. It's long.. Longer than I expected it to be. I'm gonna end off here.

Kaoz.. People complain to me that my blog entries are so short. Then they very jealous, say that my tag board does not deserve that much activity.

Hmm.. I also don't know why such a phenomenom occur. Maybe 'cause my entries are more interesting? Maybe 'cause I write about things everybody can relate to? Maybe just 'cause I'm Haikal?

Hmm.. I liked the last question..

Ok, enough of self praise.

So fine, my entries are short. You want long? Go see that XiaXue blog. Best in South East Asia or something lar.. Anyways, she's a good writer (that's why she was hired by Today, or was it the other way around? Arh heck).

However, her blog does have lots of profanities and sexual images, unlike mine.. Mine's a clean blog. For all ages, male and female and blah blah blah.. But of course, only for those I allow lar..

After all, it is a privilege to dwell in my thoughts, not a right.

So you want long entries.. I'll try a long entry this time. But I think all of you will get bored.

Arh.. Damn.. Nothing to talk about.

Ok.. I read the Times Magazine. One of it talked about moderate Muslims and extreme fundamentalists.

Yeah.. I know what some of you are thinking.. You can go to another site..

Ok.. Back to where I was.

Hmm, I'm not a fundamentalist myself. But when talking about moderate Muslims, maybe they are too moderate.

Let's just pull a example closer to home. Mosques. Everyday Friday, go there, one or two hours, listen to the imam. Pray the norm prayer. That's all. Is it too difficult? I don't think so.

But still. At the basketball court, there are so many of these Malays, who would rather stay there, than to go to the Mosque. Shahid and I have dubbed it the Al-Court.

That's one end of the line. At the other end, we have Osama Bin Laden and all his aides, possibly Saddam Hussein. Yeah, those people, I don't have too talk about. We all should know enough about them.

The problem here is not following what the Holy Book of Quran said too much. Rather, they are misinterpreting what it said..

Bleh.. I suddenly don't feel good talking about this. As if I've said something wrong.. I think I should stop and change to another topic.

Maybe He doesn't want me to talk about it, thus the signal...

So fine.. The fasting month is here. All the yada yada about it has come.

Yeah.. Why the sec 3 camp during the fasting month? Why still PE during the fasting month? Why this, why that. Have we ever asked Mr Quek these questions before?

Actually.. Yes.. You know what he would say? Or at least what he said? (Note that it's not word for word)

He said, "If Istyana can do it, so can we."

Duish.. Look at my face? Do I look like Istyana? Do I behave like Istyana? Do any of us look like Istyana? Can you not tell the difference between us and Istyana?

No.. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying what Istyana did is right. But is it justifiable for us to have intensive labour during this one month? It's not the no food that really matters, its the no water.

You said it yourself. Hydration and blah blah. So now we can't drink. So what now? You tell us take it easy. People out there, don't know what is easy? His easy is running like normal pace.

Duish.. How come I never thought of it before? Hmm yar.. Never thought of it before. It is easier. Yar.. (Sense the sarcasm)

I know many out there still think that maybe Mr Quek is still right and blah blah blah.. But maybe he should cut some slack? I can't change thoughts, but I think I can speak my mind.

Ok.. That's long right? Tell me it's long.. Pleaz.. Oh pleaz..

I know I won't have that much activity like XiaXue.
Nor will I have a fan club or a hate club.
Nor will anybody know much about me.

You know why?

'Cause I don't want to.

Come on. It's your blog. Why do you want so many people reading it? I don't think you want people whom you don't know at all to read lor..

Besides, inside would be what you think of certain matters and stuff like that right?

Talking about blogs.. Do you know George Bush has one? As in.. That guy running for presidency for US. Yeah.. That guy.. Hmm.. Go visit it.. Wonder what he put's up there..

Maybe he has a picture of Saddam, or Osama there.

http://georgewbush.blogspot.com/

That's the bloggie url. Go read.. But then again. He's too busy. Haven't been updating since he became the biggest idiot in the world. Sad manz..

Then again, after reading the content, I think it's just some guy acting like George, and saying mean things. But still.. It's entertaining enough.

I mean.. He is like so high up there. For him to blog, or do normal stuff like we do. Hmm.. Tt means he's still human. Wow.. Something new we learnt today eh?

Imagine if Osama or Saddam comes up with a blog. Osama will have a picture of Mount Everest, and he can say, "My Home". Then, he can portray Bush as just a bush on fire.. Much like devil..

Or Saddam. He can talk about the evil deeds he's been doing, and all that.

I'm sure a lot of people are interested. After all, they are high profile people right? Everyone knows them. It's like.. Being famous and rich just by one performace, taking out the rich part.

But still.. That's good enough.. Maybe someday I can be like that too.. Hmm...

Ok.. It's long.. I shall stop.. My fingers hurt.. Wonder how XiaXue does it.. Damn..

The feud with my parents has yet to be over..

Fook!!! They still think I got a gf!!! What the? No lar.. I dun have gf. I only got bf.. I see Tuck Wen.. Then is like.. WOAH!!

Hahaz.. Ok ok.. I'm joking.. I'm straight.. I'm still available. :D

I really hope I can get it straight to my parents..
Just 'cause I talk to gals on the phone,
Just 'cause I sms gals on my hp,
Just 'cause I talk mostly to gals on MSN,
Just 'cause I go out with gals,
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I GOT A GF!!!

You know what's worse? They ask me how many I got.. What the???

I mean.. Fine.. Call me flirt or whatever lar.. I say I don't have gf, means I don't have lar.. Kaoz..

Besides.. It's not say one gal that I only talk to, sms to, or go out with what.. It's equivalent to going out in a group, asking somebody a maths question over the phone, chit chatting with someone else.

So what's the big fuss?

I really don't see it.

Someone who sees it. Can tell me?

And the funny part...

They say they are ok with it. I insist I don't have a gf.

Then they want me to stop denying. I still insist I don't have a gf.

They they go on to talk about how they would welcome her and blah blah. And I still insist I don't have a gf.

Is it just me.. Or they don't get it that I don't have a gf?
DON'T. The big word here is DON't.

How much thicker can they get? Argh..

Forget it.. I shall not go into insults..

But here's an interesting one from White Chicks, a recent movie I watched.
Your moma's so old her breast milk is powdered.

Nope.. Not insulting my mum.. Not insulting your's either.. Take it lightly..

OH YAR! I STILL DON'T HAVE A GF!!!

Hmm.. This is my blog.. And I'm supposed to put in what I think about some issues. Well, there are a few issues to be discussed.. Read on..

School Socks

Yeah.. The horror.. School socks. Our batch has to waste money buying school socks just for a year. And what we do with is next? Hang it outside the balcony everyday? Show people I'm from CSS.

I may be loyal to the school, but on school socks, I'd raise my hand for a 'no'. It's too stupid an idea.

But then again, what can I say? At times, we deserve it. Why do people have to wear ankle length socks? I know there's the rumour of revealing ankles will get guys turned on. But seriously, wouldn't guys be concentrating somewhere else?

Well well well.. I'm against this. But I have no power to do anything about it. Sad.. Maybe we should all ask for school-sponsored handphones? Then we don't have to bring our own? I surely won't mind even if there's a logo.

Exams are to be over soon

Everyone can't wait for it to be over eh? Well, I do not differ. In fact, I've started slacking already. I don't think MCQs will really kill me if I don't study right?

But still, no complacency.. Still must study..

Later kenna slaughter by Mdm Ros. My geog not all that good at all.

US Debate

Don't say I'm copying what HRM is doing. Actually, I'm just agreeing with what he is saying. However, he is on George Bush side. To me, I think neither John Kerry nor George Bush will do a good job. I'm not saying I can.

But who wants to be the biggest idiot in the world? Nah.. Not me for sure.

However, they are rich. Hmm... Might consider the rich part. But I don't even have plans to migrate there at all

Arrival of Fasting Month

That time of the year has arrived again. Embrace yourselves, and prepare to look out for the clean Haikal. No vulgarities, no obscenities, just the plain Haikal. Hard to live up to the image. But I'll try..

Besides, it's a month only. I can do it. I think I can.

Wait a minute.. Shouldn't I be doing this everyday instead? Ok.. I'll try..

Movie Marathon

A movie marathon has been planned. For the past two years, it has gone unsuccessful. With a new class, will it be successful this time? Let's find out...

Hmm.. It will be so cool if can get the whole class to go watch a movie, and not just one, but many, in a row. Not many people have cash to spend, so must take some factors into consideration.

Hmm.. Anybody care to watch a movie after that Geog paper?

If got no money, can always just see me. :D

No, I'm not gonna lend you money. But you can always watch me. I'm a movie in itself, and it's free!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

Ok that's all..

Today's dream was very very very weird. And I must put it down.

I dreamt that.. I dreamt that.. David got in love! Yeah.. As in.. David Kwok Wei Xiang!!! And I'm not joking about this. I wouldn't. It was very weird.. But it happened. Hahaz..

And this is told in exactly as I saw it. No addition or leaving out anything.

Here goes... ...

~~~~~~~~~~

The Day David Got in Love

It was some camp thingy. A mass camp. As in, there were a lot of people. And if I was not wrong, I pictured it being in our school.

We had some physical activity or something in the field. A lot of people. And it was around evening time. 'Cause after that physical activity thingy, we were to wash up and everything. Our 'bunkers' were in the hall, the school hall.

In the midst of going towards the hall, I saw David eyeing a girl. I think she's from the neighbourhood primary school. So cool you know, both were looking at each other.

Then, Thandar came up and ask me, "Are you thinking what I am thinking?"

And we got into action. I immediately went up to the girl. Talked her into meeting up with David. She was quite reluctant, but eventually agreed. We set a time for them to meet, and to meet up in the canteen.

Meanwhile, Thandar was getting down to work in the hall. She was dressing David up. I found it a bit funny that Thandar had to use a ladder to comb David's hair, but I kept the laughter inside me to prevent embarassing David.

And the time came. We brought David down to the canteen. The girl was already there. They talked, although it took them a while to get used to each other.

Soon, we left them alone... ... And who knows what might had happened...

~~~~~~~~~~

But as for me, I woke up.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm.. I guess anybody can fall in love eh? Nothing to funny though..

Hey.. Don't make fun of David because of this dream hor.. After all, it's my dream, not his. And the people are all those that I saw in the dream. I don't know why Thandar, but she came out. And the girl.. Well, all I could say was I didn't recognize her, nor did she tell me her name..

Sad right? Hahaz..

Love is indeed blind

My senses

My eyes,
just meant to see you
smile,
not frown.

My ears,
just meant to hear you
laugh,
not cry.

My hands,
just meant to hold you close.
To protect you,
not hurt.

My heart,
only meant for you.
And only you.

Hmm.. Just a short poem, for a short entry..

Can comment? Thx..

Another of Haikal's work. Don't copy. Thanks. :D

My mind is filled with lots of things, coupled with emotions. Recently, a lot of unhappy moments have occurred. I've been thinking of death and dying. Noo.. Not me.. I was not about to commit suicide or something. But people close to me.. People attempting.. People dying naturally.. I just can't help it..

Here's a story to let out a bit of what I currently am thinking. Think about it. If you helped someone commit suicide, are you the murderer? In this story, I think I am... ...

~~~~~~~~~~
Why Make That Painful Choice?

It was an innocent question, too innocent I supposed. "Do you have a penknife with you?"

I did not know what she wanted. Possibly to open a new package or something. Little did I expect her to use it that way. Just so unexpected of her. It did not match the kind of person she was at all.

She was always perservering. Though I often get on her nerves, she still tolerated. She was always tolerant. She did not scold or reprimand me so easily, only when I committed grave errors.

The next moment I knew, I heard a loud shriek. I knew something was not right. I knew it in me. Something slashed through my heart. I could feel my heart sinking; bleeding profusely.

I rushed to the bathroom. My anxiousness made me fumbled with the keys. I hoped I was not too late. Eventually, I managed to open the door.

The sight of it shocked me. Blood was splurting out from her wrist. Not one, but both. It hurted me. Why would she do such a thing? Her pupils dilated. I could feel slowly being sucked out of her; as if it was God-sent.

Before I could do anything further, she was gone. There, she laid. It was not the most peaceful death, but the way she stared into the blank space, it was as if the torture and torment was over. Why???

The question: WHY?? Why did she choose such a route? Was it so hard to bear? I could not believe it myself. WHY???

Her departure saddened me. It had to. She was so close to me. Too close. Losing her was like losing part of my life; she was part of my life. I could never imagined it to happen, but it did.

Why did my mother do it?

~~~~~~~~~~

This story did not happen. It was close to happening the way it was. But thank God, it did not. I still love my mother. People out there, cherish your mother, not just her, but both your parents. You don't know when they might leave you.

After all, the umbrella of protection they can provide for the incoming rain is only temporary. We have to learn to carry that umbrella ourselves someday.

Beyond my parents, there is nobody else I show any more love for.

I'm Sorry

Ok.. This will be about.. My sincerest apologies to someone out there.. If you're bored, then don't read this. Think you will.. And hope you know I'm referring to you.

I guess I'm just too stupid, I must say. I had no reason to dislike or even worse, hate you. Nothing at all. Besides, you just liked me. A normal human emotion. I shouldn't have condemned you.

A bad choice I made. But well, words once said, cannot be taken back. Nor can actions once done, can be undone. All I can say is, I'm sorry. At least I said this today, and not a day later.

I was just afraid you would have gotten the wrong idea, had the wrong implication. And I knew that if you did, then things would have gotten worse.

After all, I was the one who always did the chasing. Never was I on the receiver's end. You changed that. You brought a whole new insight into my life. I got to be thankful, and yet, the way I treated you, I was just being inhumane.

Don't say I'm going harsh on myself. 'Cause I deserve it. I'm always like that to others, today is different. Now, I'm harsh on myself. You know that chinese proverb thingy.. "Yan yu li ji, kuan yi dai ren".

You were nice, I must admit. You still are. I didn't write this for any ulterior motives whatsoever, it came from the very bottom of my heart. Maybe I just felt it was something that weighted down on me, and I had to get it off.

I'll change. I hope I will. But I need time. I don't mind us being friends again. Nope. I don't. Just don't get it the wrong way.

My sincerest apologies,
Haikal

You know who it should be for. If you don't, you're too young to know it.

For some reason, this EOYs have brought out the other side of people. Some people that I see are constantly slacking, suddenly.. They do last minute revision like siaoz.. At least they got do revision lar. :D

And then. People who I see get constant good results are suddenly panicked like mad. It really troubles me. If they are so damn good, and they are worried, what about the normal people like us who aren't that great?

And teachers are even more interesting to observe. They suddenly become hysterics.. As in.. Argh.. Difficult to describe. Just weird lar..

Ok.. I've taken quite a break earlier on. Discussed a bit of my 'life history'. Though painful to bring, it brought me a new insight. It always does. I understand myself better that way. I don't find it too difficult to tell someone about it, they would understand me better.

The gal I talked to did understand me better. She was shocked at this side of me. Interesting I must say..

Then.. I had an inspiration. Nope, not a story.. Just a poem.

When the Time Comes

When the time comes,
the sun will set,
the night will fall.
You; I still won't forget.

When the time comes,
I'll breathe your air,
I'll sing your song.
I'll give my care.

When the time comes,
I'll stand by you.
I'll think of you.
I'll just want you.

Has the time came?
Has the moment arrived?

Will you wait for me?
I'll wait and see.

There's something you don't know.
I haven't let you go.

Haiz.. I suddenly don't feel good after writing this. Don't know. Like as if I'm a desperado like that. Hahaz..

The gal who read this said: You will surely get the gal you like if you show this to her.

But I don't think that's true. Words are not a way to the girl's heart, or are they?
Maybe poems are. I don't know...

Oh yar.. Don't copy this poem please. If you wanna use it, at least ask me first. Thx.

Look into a picture, and you see detail.
Look into a poem, and you see more details.

Parents

I daresay I'm a filial son. Yeah.. I know I'm not all that perfect, but at least I tried. I have changed, because of my parents (main factor). For bad or for good, I could not decide, 'cause I did not have a choice.

However, there are somethings which I just can't understand why. I really can't. I see no reason in why I should change. Really..

Just.. Just only.. My curfew was shifted from 7pm to 6pm. Reason? I come home too late? What stupid logic??

I stay back in school to study. Not to hang around, and chit-chat or whatever. You know what is study? The one that determines your future? You know that?

You've been telling me about it when I was in primary school. Now I'm adopting it. So?? Why contradict yourself??? Sheesh...

You know why I can't study at home? What do you get when you mix a 4 year old girl and a 5 year old girl? Noise!!! Yes.. You get noise!!! Argh.. How to concentrate?

Next.. I close my door.. And you start saying that I'm doing illegal things.. Seriously.. You really think I'm on drugs or smoking? If I am, I wouldn't be doing it at home. Damn it.. I got brains.. Insulting me like that???

Can't I have the least bit of privacy? You poke your nose into every single thing I do. I can't stand it. The people I talk to on the phone, you want to know. The people I sms, you want to know. The things I do online, you want to know. The places I go after school, you want to know.

What shit??? Where's my life??? If that's the case, how 'bout one day, you step into my shoes. Literally. Yes, literally.. Become me. And I become you. Yeah.. Then maybe you can see what I mean..

And I can't understand it. You say I have a girlfriend. Funny right? You say it's normal. Damn it. I don't have one. I tell you that. You ask me to stop denying. What the?? I got one, I tell lar.. But the thing is, I DON'T. I told you don't know how many times, but you insist I have one.

So what if I have then? What you gonna go? Ask the gal over? Try to get to know her better? So what?? But now, I don't. Argh...

I'm awfully sorry that I have to post this. I'm complaining about my parents, if you people don't already know. Maybe some of you have similar feelings. Any idea what I can do???

What else is there? Oh yar. They say I've been spending lesser time with them. Duh.. You think I'm still the mother's son? Ok fine, maybe I still am. But at least.. At least my life right??

Haiz.. I give up..

It's take a thief to understand a theif. I guess it goes the same for parents.

EOY Compos

What's wrong with this year compos??

The english.. It was ok, so to speak.. Selling things. Interesting topic eh?

Wait till you see what I got for chinese.

"66% of Singapore youths visit pornographic websites" What are your views? (And yeah, it's translated to English for non-speaking Chinese audience)

What crap??? Well, my views?? I'm the 34% :D
Anyways.. What so great in porn? I don't understand. Maybe cuz I'm too young to understand..

Besides.. My teachers didn't teach me. Nope, they didn't.. Neither did my parents.. Did yours? Maybe it's the principal's job? Hmm... Maybe.. But I sure don't want this principal to teach me..

Imagine if she starts examples.. Eww...

Yeah.. The problem with today's society: Making topics taboo even when they aren't supposed to be. Weird? But that's what it is..

Ok.. Gotta go off now.. Hope that despite my poor knowledge of pornography, maybe my Chinese teacher will understand that, and give me the marks I deserve, regardless.. Hahaz.. I wish..

After all..

Essays are best done through experience.

BUT I'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE!!!

Woah.. Suddenly got inspiration. Ok.. Not really inspiration. I dreamt it last night. It was too good to forget. Hahaz..

Too bad it ain't gonna happen to me, or will it? Hmm.. Anyways, here's the story.

THE SECOND CANDLE RELITS

Did you know that when a candle is lit up the second time, it glows brighter? It may not work in real life, but it definitely does when in context of love.

I never expected our paths to cross again, never, since that day she ditched me. I knew there and then we were not meant to be, and I let it pass. I cried the nights out, drowned myself in my sorrows, but in front of others, the brave mask was there.

I had everything to hide, and had nothing that I wanted to reveal. The days I passed were lonely, often in deep thoughts. This thoughts were repetitive, yet there was no final conclusion.

Then one day, it happened. Everything happened so quickly, but I enjoyed every single bit of it.

I would say it was unintentional. I would say that nothing was planned. However, it really seemed like it was. Maybe He was playing a little game with us, to test our patience, to see if we should be the ones deserving of love.

I guess we passed the test.

~~~~~~~~~~

We were just sitting in a group. Chatting with each other, with the occasional laughter. It was very seldom that things like that happened since our 'break-up' (I say break up 'cause we never got together, just close enough only). However, I expected nothing out of it.

Soon enough, one by one, the rest left. I, on the other hand, could only get closer to her. I could smell her by then. Irresistable. It brought back sweet memories, and now, it was even sweeter than ever. What other thing could I ask for than to be back together with the girl I loved so dearly? I couldn't ask for anything lesser. It was given to me, rather.

Our chat was rather interesting. I would say she enjoyed it, at least on her part. I could see she never changed. She still was the girl she was, the one I loved. She still liked to make fun of me, and I would let her.

It was just so fun. The experience itself was breath-taking. The chat soon became like a lover's talk; one that we have engaged in before. Before I could think, I said, "why did you leave me then?"

Her reply, though saddening, was sincere. We looked into each other's eyes, as if they were the most beautiful things that ever existed. I could only force a weak smile, in which she did the same as well.

Then, she collapsed into my arms, without any warning. I was taken aback, but I kept my cool. She said, "I missed you. I'm sorry I had to leave you. Please forgive me."

Upon that, she cried. Her tears wet my shoulder. I gave her a slight pat on her back. She had never done anything like this before, nobody did. I felt for her sadness. After all, I had heard nothing of her for months before this already.

"I forgive you. I love you dear."

My words made her look up instantly. Her teary eyes made her look more beautiful. I wiped away the tears from her eyes. She held my hands to stop me. Then, we glanced into each other's eyes again; as if thinking what the other person was thinking.

Instinctively, I closed my eyes. I knew what was about to happen, but did it? Will it? What if it was all a drama act, just to see how I would react? But if it was, she really acted well. It seemed real, too real.

But it was true. I felt her lips touching mine. The feeling so great. So everlasting. So unforgettable. So breath taking.

Though it was a short while and we let go, it was considerably enjoyable. I was mesmerised. I held her close to me, and she too allowed me to do so. I breathed in, and felt feelings I never felt before.

As we got up, we walked off into the sunset.

~~~~~~~~~~

I guess the rekindled passion of light glowed stronger than ever. It always does. The second time is always better than the first.

Ok. Once again, this is a STORY. NEVER TOOK PLACE BEFORE. NEVER EVER. At least not to me lar.. Just dreamt of it lor.. Nice dream hor? Hahaz..

When you like someone, let them free.
If they come back, then you're meant to be.
If they don't, then just let it be.

You know what.. It's finally here. What's it called again? Oh yar. It's called the EOY. A dreaded word, yet everyone cannot escape this fate.

Ok.. You know what's a good thing at this point of time? A good mood booster. You know that advert.. I've had mine. Have you had yours?

Yeah.. I got my booster already.. Feeling better than ever.. But I don't want to share with you all.. :P

Ok.. Enough of that.. Today was English Paper. I liked the essay part.. Lolx.. Cuz out of 5 qns, I was familiar with 3.

And I did something which nobody else did. Write 1 as an expository essay. Like woah.. I guess I wrote something special? Non predictable? Well.. I'll see how I score later..

These good things that have liven up my mood are coming back to me.. May I do well in my EOY, and of course, readers out there.. GOOD LUCK :D

Every around 365 days, we meet this fate. Will I conquer it like I did so for the past 8 years? Experience tells me I will.

PROFILE

Name: Muhd.Haikal Yeo
Birthday: 10th November 1989
Tampines North Primary School, 1.4, 2.4, 3.13, 4.13
Keming Primary School 4EE,5B, 6BB
Commonwealth Secondary School 1/3, 2/3, 3/3, 4/3 Sports Class
National Junior College 06S14
Film & Video Society
NJC 39th Student Council
CSS/NJC/dMasters Hockey
A small boy with big dreams

CHAT

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Brushes: H-G
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